


The Gordian Knot

by Bob_The_Other_Zombie



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Scheming, everyone is kind of an asshole but in a family way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 08:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bob_The_Other_Zombie/pseuds/Bob_The_Other_Zombie
Summary: Vox Machina makes a simple bet, on when Vex and Keyleth will get together. Well....they try, at least. When has Vox Machina ever done anything simple?





	The Gordian Knot

It began, as many things did, in the mansion.

Vex was strolling down the hall, returning from some arduous archery practice (they had been on the trail of some herd of beasts for a week now, and she was getting antsy), when she heard her name from inside another room.

Vex, being observant, often overheard other people talking about her. She was long past the illusion that all gossip was malicious. Most conversations about other people were just casual mentions in passing.

Her dear brother's words, however, were far from casual.

"-do something about Vex and Keyleth!" he whispered.

Vex stopped just before the door. Now that was interesting.

"Not really any of our business." Grog muttered. "If they wanna fuck, they'll do it, if they don't, they won't."

"Wise philosophy as always, Grog." Scanlan said. "But I think Vax has a point. It could be really fun to do something about it."

"No, no, no, not what I meant." Vax said immediately, and a smile curled Vex's lips. He did have some semblance of privacy, occasionally. "Well, maybe a little fun, but that's not why."

"I don't know, guys, I agree with Grog." Pike said. "I don't think it's really our business. I mean, we can certainly talk to them-"

"Just so we're being clear." Percy said. "This is about the fact that Vex and Keyleth are clearly in love with each other?"

Vex stiffened behind the door, hardly daring to breathe in the lull that followed.

"Yes!" Vax burst out.

"Disgustingly in love." Scanlan added. "Like me for Pike."

Pike sighed. "I don't even think they know."

"Yeah, they both really, really want to do the do." Grog said.

"I'm just saying, they might need encouragement." Vax said. "Keyleth is- new to this, and my sister...she's skittish sometimes."

Vex concealed a snort. Skittish, from the man who'd taken weeks to work up the courage to flirt back with Gilmore.

"I don't know, they're both pretty smart, they'll figure it out on their own." Pike said.

"Agreed." said Percy. "I'm certain of it."

Vex sucked in a breath. Had Keyleth told him?

Vax's voice changed, and Vex pictured him, leaning forward, eyes narrowed with interest. "You're certain of it? What makes you so sure, Freddie?"

"I think we all know each other well enough by now that we can predict certain actions." Vex could hear the dismissive shrug in his voice. "I'm not claiming to have knowledge the rest of you don't have, I just know Vex and Keyleth. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if they get together within the next few weeks."

There was a pause, and- "Wanna put gold on it?" Vax asked.

"How much gold?" Scanlan asked immediately. Vex continued to listen at the door as Scanlan put ten gold on them dating within a week, as Vax raised the stakes to twenty on two weeks, as Pike cautiously bet on three "because it's been a long hunt and I'm bored." and as Percy, in a disinterested tone, bet thirty gold on them confessing within three weeks to a month from now. Only Grog abstained, repeating that it wasn't any of his business.

Vex listened, quickly memorized the dates, and headed straight to the library, where Keyleth was studying her spells.

Keyleth stood over a large array of scrolls on the center table, muttering to herself. The enchanted candlelight shone through her red hair, turning it a brilliant red-gold, like polished copper. Vex paused in the doorway of the library to appreciate the sight, before knocking on the wall.

Keyleth flinched and looked up. "Oh, uh, hi, Vex, sorry, did you need something?"

Vex winked. "They're at the other end of the mansion, talking." she said in a low tone. "We've got some time alone." She shut the door behind her and walked in slowly, watching the smile bloom on Keyleth's face.

"I was studying." Keyleth protested weakly, but she took Vex's hands, pulling her closer, and kissed her. It had only been two weeks, and Vex was still blown away by how amazing kissing Keyleth felt. It was the same as Keyleth- sweet, and light, but with a hard edge underneath that took you by surprise.

When Keyleth pulled back, Vex smiled. "So, darling." she said, taking a strand of Keyleth's bright hair and twirling it in between her fingers. "I overheard the most fascinating conversation today."

"What?"

"The others seem to think that we're madly in love with each other, and we've just got to do something about it." Vex said. "So much so that they've made a bet. Thirty gold each, one-twenty to the winner. Scanlan has us getting together a week from now, Vax says two weeks, Pike has three, Percy has four, and Grog didn't bet."

Keyleth giggled. "I mean, I guess they're not wrong, they're just off, by a couple weeks."

"Right." Vex said. "Which is why I was thinking, why not use this to our advantage?"

* * *

**WEEK 1: SCANLAN**

Scanlan had never considered himself the wisest man, by any means. But romance? He knew romance. He'd probably learned a thousand love songs by heart before the rest of Vox Machina was even born. And he knew people. When it came to the unexpressed feelings between Vex and Keyleth, he figured only Vax had spotted it sooner.

So that's how Scanlan knew Vex and Keyleth were a delayed spell sigil, ready to go off. The held glances, the lingering touches, the loud laughter whenever the other made a joke- he was shocked they weren't sharing bedrooms already. He didn't put much credence into all Vax's talk about caution and shyness. Sure, some folk were shy with their interest, but he'd known Vex long enough to know she went after what she wanted, whether it be gold or an attractive guard in Kraghammer.

All he had to do was make Vex realize what she wanted was Keyleth.

(Subtly, of course.)

"Scanlan, what the fuck?!"

Scanlan grinned up at Vex from where he lay in her bed, in a satin robe artfully posed to cover just enough to be tasteful. His hair draped loosely over his shoulders, puffed out slightly with Ioun knows how much hair mixture. He'd even managed to procure a rose to place in between his teeth, although he was quickly learning exactly how painful thorns were on the gums. "Vex'ahlia." he said, and winced as the movement brought his tongue in contact with a large thorn.

Vex stood frozen in the doorway, one hand over her eyes, looking as though she was debating hitting him or walking out. Or both. "Scanlan, what are you doing?"

Scanlan shifted himself into a seated position, pulling the robe over himself. He spat the rose into his hand. "I just wanted to lay my cards on the table. I think you're lovely, and smart, and strong, and I'm interested in you. I thought it was worth a shot. You understand, don't you? You've always gone after what you want."

Vex lowered her hand from her eyes, slowly. "Get out of my bed. And pull that robe tighter around yourself, would you?"

Scanlan stood, tightening the robe around himself. "Is that a no?"

"Of course it's a no!" Vex said. "I- I thought you were interested in Pike!"

Scanlan wiggled his eyebrows. "Interests change."

"And if I really 'go after what I want', wouldn't I have seduced you already?"

"Maybe you don't." Scanlan said. He pulled a piece of twine out of a pocket and tied back his hair. "You know, it's been awhile since that guard in Kraghammer. I always figured that you and I and Grog were the romantics of the group. This slump is unusual for you. I know I haven't been to a house of lady favors in weeks for the sake of the lovely Pike Trickfoot, but I couldn't figure out why you've been alone."

"Maybe I'm not alone." Vex said testily, sitting on the bed. "Maybe I just don't talk about it like you and Grog do."

"Alright." Scanlan shrugged, adding just enough dismissiveness to make it clear he didn't believe her. "It was just a theory, anyways." He turned to go.

"What theory?" Vex asked.

Scanlan concealed a smile, as he turns back around. "Oh, you being in love with me. I figured it had to be a member of Vox Machina because where would you have fallen for anyone else, the past few weeks?" He began counting on his fingers. "You're obviously not in love with Vax, I don't think you go for tacos so Pike and Keyleth are out, you've seen Grog's toenails so I doubt it's him, which leaves Percy and me. I just took a gamble."

Vex's eyes narrowed, expression unreadable. Scanlan wondered if she knew  _Detect Thoughts_.

"Like I said, just a theory." he added, and turned to go again.

"Wait." Vex said, and Scanlan turned around expectantly. Vex's gaze softened. "I...you're right. Well, you're wrong, about the tacos, but you're right.

Scanlan couldn't hide his smirk. "Not Percy or me then?"

"No." Vex's voice was soft, almost wondering. Scanlan wiped the smirk off of his face as she looked back up at him, eyes big and serious. "Actually...I'm in love with Pike."

The rose tumbled out of Scanlan's fingers and hit the ground.

"I'm sorry, Scanlan, I know how you feel about her. Do I have your blessing?"

* * *

When he told the story to Grog and Pike later that week, at a tavern in the town they were trying to save, Pike burst into giggles. "I don't know what you were expecting." she said. "Vex isn't just going to admit it."

"Yeah, cuz they aren't together." Grog said. "Vex and Keyleth aren't dating. She's not going to admit to something that's not true."

"Oh, Grog, no, I meant admitting that she's in love with Keyleth." Pike said. "We know they're not together."

Grog nodded vigorously. "They aren't."

Scanlan frowned down at his large keg of ale. "I don't know what went wrong!" he said. "I wasn't expecting her to sleep with me, but I picked all of my words carefully! I thought she might realize- something! And now she's not going to talk to me for a week!" He buried his face in his hands.

"Tough luck, buddy." Scanlan's chin nearly hit the bar as Grog patted his back. "Guess it's up to the rest of us to win it."

"The rest of us?" Scanlan asked, looking up. "I thought you were staying out of it, Grog."

Grog shrugged. "Made a bet. Week after Percy."

"Yeah, he did." Pike said. "That's one-fifty gold to whoever wins, now."

Scanlan groaned, and drained his keg. When he'd finished, he slammed it on the bar, pulling out the coins to pay for another. His purse was sparser than he remembered. "I hate this bet."

Pike patted his shoulder, holding his gaze. For a moment, Scanlan was relieved. Pike was the mother of the group, she always had something comforting to say, even in situations like this.

"Guess you should've picked three weeks, like I did." Pike grinned wickedly. "I'll enjoy your thirty gold."

"Yeah, monstah!" Grog said.

"Monstah!" Pike raised her mug of ale up to clink with Grog's, and they both drained them simultaneously.

Scanlan just rested his forehead on the bar with a sigh.

* * *

**WEEK 2: VAX**

See, Vax wasn't being cocky when he said he knew he would win the bet. He honestly had the best chance. Vex could be a tangled ball of mysteries, but Vax knew how to puzzle her out better than anyone. All she needed was a gentle push.

After Scanlan's disaster of a week, Vax laid low for a few days, so Vex wouldn't get suspicious. He waited, through a long hunt and battle with a pack of wereboars, through the division of treasure afterwards, until he saw Keyleth and Vex off to the side excitedly discussing something they'd found. It was fucking obvious, really. He knew Vex's love signs, had known them since they were teens- she tucked her hair behind her ear, and smiled with lowered eyelids, and brushed her hand against Keyleth's arm every so often. Keyleth, as always, was an open book, with rosy cheeks and a wide smile.

Vax raised an eyebrow and sauntered over. Vex, naturally, heard his footsteps first and backed away from Keyleth.

"Vax!" she said. "Look what I found in their base! We think it's the Staff of the Woodlands"

Keyleth held it up the crooked wooden staff. "It's really cool, it's got all these spells in it, and it can turn into a tree!" She stepped forward, hesitated, and grabbed Vex's hand. "Thank you, Vex, I can't believe you found it. I've been wanting this forever."

Vex smiled. "Of course, darling." She pulled Keyleth in for a brief hug, barely close enough for their chests to brush.

"Yeah." Keyleth said, backing up, and pushing her hair out of her face. She blushed again, giggling nervously. "Um, yeah, thank you, Vex."

Vax's eyes narrowed. "Sister, I could use your eyes. I think I found another cave in the cliffside."

"Of course." Vex said, taking a step away from Keyleth.

Keyleth made a spastic movement that might've been a wave. "Uh, bye, Vex."

Vex followed a step behind him as Vax lead her over to the cliff where they'd discovered the wereboar tribe's goods. Her irritation floated along behind them, like a vengeful ghost. She knew he was smug, and she knew he knew, too.

"Out with it, will you?" Vex said as they left earshot of the rest of Vox Machina.

Vax turned around, pausing under a tree. He raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"There's no cave." Vex said, gesturing upwards at the cliffside. "I can see from here. And you're smirking like you think you know something. What do you think you know?"

"Nothing." Vax said, although he deliberately let his eyes flick over to where Keyleth waved the staff at Pike.

Vex rolled her eyes. "Are you going to say it aloud, or are you going to keep being weird and coy?"

Vax shrugged, examining his nails. "I like weird and coy."

"Look, I don't have to talk to you about this." Vex said. "She's not- we're close, but I'm not- you're just wrong, alright?"

"Alright." Vax said, feigning indifference. "But I want you to know-"

"Oh, Sarenrae have mercy." Vex said, starting to walk away.

Vax caught her wrist, and she turned around. "I want you to know," Vax repeated, "that if she makes you happy, you should go for it. I think she feels the same way. You two could be very good together."

Vex wrinkled her nose at him. "You're being odd. I don't like it."

"I could say the same to you." Vax said, folding his arms again.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, a silent standoff, and then Vex sighed again. "Fine." she said. "I know what you're saying, and I'll think about it. But only-" She raised a finger. "Only if, next time we go to Gilmore's, you actually do something beyond flirt, okay?"

Vax smiled reflexively at the mention of Gilmore. "Of course, Stubby." He reached out to ruffle her hair.

Vex dodged out of the way, making a face at him. "You're still weird."

"I aim to please." Vax said, and Vex shook her head.

As she walked away, Vax turned over an odd idea in his mind.

* * *

"I want to propose some side action on our bet." Vax said. "Grog, will you get this information to Pike?"

"Yeah, sure." Grog said.

They sat in Scanlan's mansion again, him, Percy, Grog, and Scanlan. The girls were presumably down in the steam bath, having one of their girl's nights.

Percy raised an eyebrow, adjusting his glasses. "I'm sorry, but I didn't realize we were allowed to propose side bets after we lost."

Vax sighed. "We're only a day past my deadline, assholes. Can we wait on the ribbing til tomorrow, at least?"

Scanlan snorted. "None of you waited to rub it in my face."

"You tried to do it with Vex." Grog pointed out. "It was funny." Percy and Vax nodded.

"No, I didn't try to have sex with Vex, I was trying to-" Scanlan shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Vax, what's this side action? I'm in, if it means I never ever have to hear about my week, ever again."

Vax raised a finger, ensuring he had all of their full attention. "I propose, that they are already together. And furthermore, I propose that they know about the bet, and are keeping it a secret to fuck with us."

There was a pause after his statement. Scanlan raised his eyebrows, and Grog took a large gulp of his drink.

"On what basis?" Percy asked. His gaze, behind his glasses, was dagger sharp.

Vax struggled to put it into words. The awkward hug between them had confirmed it, as well as Vex's casual attitude when he'd asked her. They'd had discussions about her romantic life before, and she never admitted anything that easily. And he knew she wasn't in love with Pike.

Still, all the better if the others didn't believe him, as long as they took up his bet.

"Call it a feeling." Vax said. "I'll even put an extra twenty gold in, increase my share to fifty."

Grog laughed. "He just wants to make his money back. Vex and Keyleth aren't together. That's dumb."

"Maybe." Vax said with a shrug. Percy's eyes were still on him, so he took a drink, hiding his expression.

"Alright." Percy said finally. "I suppose you are the one who started this bet, so you can add to it anytime. If you want to lose another twenty gold, that's fine."

Vax kept his face carefully blank. "We'll see, Freddie. We'll see."

"I want in, too." Scanlan said. "I bet twenty that Vax is wrong."

"Yeah, see, that's a good bet." Grog said, pointing at him. "Because Vax is wrong. He's very wrong. They're definitely not together, in any way."

Vax glanced up at Grog. "Everything alright, big guy?"

Grog drained his mug of ale. "Yeah. Gonna go spar with Pike." He slammed his mug down on the counter and left, wiping his mouth on his arm.

Vax turned back to Scanlan, extending a hand. "Still want in?"

Scanlan shrugged, taking Vax's hand. "You know what? Why not. Twenty gold against your exact theory, that they a) are together already, b) know about the bet, and c), are fucking with us. If any of the three is wrong, I win."

Vax raised his eyebrows. "All three." he said, shaking his hand. "You're on. Freddie, you're our witness to this."

Percy hadn't stopped staring after Grog. "Anyone else think Grog's acting a bit strange?" he asked.

* * *

**WEEK 3: PIKE**

Pike loved her friends, she did. She considered them all family. And she never wanted to invade their privacy, or make them feel uncomfortable.

That didn't mean she didn't also want to win. Vax and Percy were far too smug, and after Scanlan's week, he definitely didn't deserve to win. Grog she wouldn't mind- the two had a standing secret alliance with each other during any bet- but, really, Pike would prefer she win.

Plus, Vex and Keyleth would be good for each other. She knew, because of every girl's night they had.

They lounged at the edge of Scanlan's steam bath, far past tipsy. The heat of the water blended nicely with the warm feeling inside of Pike, of good company and good drink. The three of them sat shoulder to shoulder to shoulder, with Keyleth in the middle. Pike's head rested on Keyleth's shoulder, and Vex's arm wrapped around Keyleth, her hand tousling through Pike's hair.

"I love you two." Pike sighed.

"I love you, too!" Keyleth said, giggling at the unintentional pun. "You, too! Like you two!"

"Good one, Keyleth." Vex said with a hint of sarcasm, but her laugh was affectionate.

"What about you guys?" Pike asked.

"What about us?" Vex said. Keyleth giggled to herself.

"Who do you love  _love_?" Pike said, tripping over the words slightly. "Like, who do you really love?"

"You, of course." Keyleth said, pressing her lips clumsily to Pike's forehead.

Pike grinned, feeling even warmer. "Aww, I love you, too. But like, really love. Like, want to have children with." Vex and Keyleth were both quiet, and Pike frowned. "C'mon, guys, you can tell me, you know I won't tell anyone!"

"Not even Grog?" Vex asked.

"Maybe Grog." Pike admitted. "But not if you don't want me to, I promise. Come on, I want to know!"

"I kissed Kash that one time." Keyleth said. She wrinkled her nose. "But I don't love love him."

"Who do you love love, Pike?" Vex asked, something sly in her tone. "If you tell me, then I'll tell you."

"And I'll tell you if you tell me." Keyleth added, gesturing with one arm and nearly knocking Pike underwater. "Oops, I'm so sorry, I forgot you were on my arm." She giggled again.

"It's alright." Pike said. She chewed her lip. On the one hand, she'd worked hard to keep this secret. On the other hand, she could win over a hundred gold.

"So?" Vex asked. "Pike, darling?"

"Um, no one." Pike said, although she flushed as she said it. "No, I don't think I love anyone. Love love. I love you guys, of course." She wrapped an arm around Keyleth's waist, half-hugging her.

"Mhm." Vex said. "You don't think you do?"

Pike cursed, internally. "No, I don't. Well, I kind of do, but I really don't. I don't know. It's all kind of confusing. But what about you?"

Pike could feel Vex's shrug through the subtle shift in Keyleth's position. "Same as you, darling." Vex said.

"Really?" Pike prompted, but it came out slurred, not nearly as sly as she'd hoped.

"Yeah."

"I'm not confused." declared Keyleth, taking her arm from around Pike's head, and pointing a finger in the air. "I love Vex- ow!"

"Sorry, Keyleth." Vex said. "Accidentally elbowed you."

"You love Vex?" Pike prompted, heart rate picking up. "Love, love?"

Keyleth blinked, rubbing at her side where Vex had elbowed her. "Yeah. And you. And- and Percy. And Vax. And Grog and Scanlan. And the rest of Vox Machina. I love love love love love you all."

"Aww, thank you." Pike said, wrapping her arm around Keyleth again, although she couldn't help but feel disappointed.

She had been so damn close.

* * *

Halfway through the week, Pike could feel her chances slipping away. She had only broached the topic once, with Keyleth, and Keyleth had just gotten flustered and blushy and stammered an excuse to leave before walking into a bush. Vex, meanwhile, expertly avoided the question, as Pike expected. Unless she did something drastic, her week would disappear without any progress between Vex and Keyleth.

So Pike did something drastic. When they hit Westruun, and Scanlan asked to go shopping, Pike volunteered to go with him.

They set off from Wilhand's place on a sunny day. No matter how far Pike travelled, she would never get tired of Westruun- of its bustling people, its down-to-earth air, its homey buildings and rush of activity.

"Finally seeing my charms, are you?" Scanlan asked. "I suppose we could call this our fourth date."

Pike wrinkled her nose. "Fourth?"

"Sure." Scanlan said, counting on his fingers. "There was that one time at the Emon tavern, and the Whitestone rooftops, and the other time on the Whitestone rooftops-"

"I don't think those really count, Scanlan." Pike said gently. "Cuz we're not dating."

"Right." Scanlan dodged around a portly man carrying a stack of wicker baskets.

"But I did actually have something I wanted to ask you." Pike said, fixing him with a serious look.

Scanlan's grin reappeared immediately. "Anything."

"You want back in on this bet?"

Scanlan slowed slightly, forcing Pike to half-turn around. "What's in it for me?" he asked.

Pike rolled her eyes. "We can split the win." she said. "You, me, and Grog, three ways. Seventy gold each for me and Grog and fifty gold for you."

"How about you and Grog split ninety-five gold, and I get the other half?" Scanlan suggested, ducking under the arm of a cabbage salesman. "Since I presume you're asking for my help."

Pike arched an eyebrow. "Sixty-five each for me and Grog, and sixty for you. We haven't lost yet."

"Sixty-five and sixty, and you go on one date with me." Scanlan said. "Watch out."

Pike whirled around, just before she ran into an elderly woman with a full basket of groceries. "Sorry!" she called, grabbing Scanlan's arm and dragging him to an alley away from the crowd.

"Sixty-three each leaves one gold left over." Pike said, folding her arms. "You get sixty-four. And I will listen to you play one of your love songs."

Scanlan tapped his chin, but Pike knew this negotiation was more of a game than anything. Scanlan Shorthalt wasn't about to sit out the rest of this bet. Better she used him to her advantage than have to deal with him and Percy as a team.

"Fine, you've got a deal." Scanlan said. "What do you want me to do?"

"Help me come up with ideas." Pike said. "I've tried talking to them about it, and they're staying quiet. You're better at this stuff than I am." As a smile grew on Scanlan's face, Pike added, "Nothing weird, or invasive, or that involves me seducing Keyleth, okay?"

"Of course." Scanlan said, winking. "Don't worry, I've got plenty of other ideas."

* * *

Which is how Pike found herself once again drunk with Vex and Keyleth, this time in Vex's room, with Trinket snoring in the corner. They had at first been surprised at Pike suggesting another girl's night so soon, but when Pike presented the hearty stash of alcohol she bought in the Westruun markets, any objections fell to the wayside. Pike purposefully took smaller sips than usual, waiting for Scanlan's sign.

As they'd planned, the door slowly creaked open about two hours into girl's night. "Hey, why's the door opening?" Pike asked, when the other two were too giggly to notice.

Vex straightened, as the door opened even wider. "Probably one of his visible servants." she slurred. "Scanlan! It's girl's night! Get out!"

"Yeah, get out!" Keyleth said, and then cringed. "Sorry, Scanlan, we love you, we just...it's girl's night!"

Pike put up a hand. "I'll go see." She pushed herself off of the bed with some difficulty, and swayed out into the hallway.

Scanlan waited there, lute in hand. He grinned as Pike stumbled towards him, out of view of the door.

"What are you doing at our girl's night?" Pike asked. "It's our girl's night! You're not supposed to be at our girl's night, because you're not a girl!"

Scanlan's eyes widened slightly. "Well, this is my mansion. I and my servants are allowed to go anywhere I want in my mansion, aren't I?"

"It's girl's night." Pike repeated. She couldn't remember the rest of the rough script they'd made. "So...you can't come. And your visible servants can't either. I think."

"Well, alright." Scanlan said, mouth twitching. "I just wanted to bid you goodnight." He snapped his fingers, and the door creaked again as, presumably, his invisible servant reentered the hallway. "My invisible servants and I were going to play you a serenade. One song, and then I'll leave you three alone, promise."

Pike crossed her arms. "Okay, Scanlan. Play your-" She burped, loudly. "Play your song."

Scanlan grinned again. "Alright. This song is called 'You Belong With Me', dedicated to my angel of Sarenrae." He lifted his lute and began to play and sing.

Pike had to hand it to him- for a song written in a day, with the complex purpose of seeming like it was about Pike and Scanlan while actually being about Vex and Keyleth, it wasn't half bad. It was catchy, even. And the lyrics were maybe trite, but they were cute. Pike had a hard time imagining Vex and Keyleth, drunk, in bed together, hearing this song and not realizing their feelings.

When Scanlan finished, Pike clapped politely. "That was very nice, Scanlan. Now I'm going to go back to my..." She stopped in the doorway of Vex's room.

Vex and Keyleth lay fast asleep in Vex's bed, Keyleth's head on Vex's shoulder, Vex's mouth open in a snore rivalling Trinket's.

"No." Pike whispered.

Someone cleared their throat. Pike and Scanlan jumped- Percy was leaning against the wall down the hallway, not even bothering to hide the smirk on his face. He peeled off the wall and walked past them, patting Pike on the shoulder as he went by.

Only Pike's devotion to Sarenrae kept her from shouting something uncharitable after him.

* * *

**WEEK 4: PERCY**

It should be noted that indifference and ignorance are two very different things.

Percy knew, very well, that Vax was right. He had known since the night, five weeks ago, when he'd asked Keyleth for Vex's whereabouts and Keyleth had turned bright red and stuttered repeatedly that she didn't know, really didn't know, why was he staring at her. Keyleth did not keep secrets particularly well.

He had hoped no one in the bet would catch on, though, and his only mission would be to get Keyleth to admit it during his week. He had already planned to argue them admitting it was tantamount to them getting together, and offering Vex a cut to agree with him if needed. Vax's bet complicated things, to say the least. What he had to do now was get Keyleth admit to a partial truth (that she and Vex were in love) without admitting the full truth (that they had been dating for weeks). Preferably in front of the others.

Tough needle to thread? Absolutely. But Percy was nothing if not precise. He'd been laying the groundwork for weeks. Now that his week had started, it was time to reap the rewards.

"I've been thinking," Percy said, "about secrets."

He and Keyleth were reading by the fire in Scanlan's mansion. It had been a long day- they'd been roped into investigating a string of murders in Westruun, and ended up comforting more than a few grieving families. A few of them had invited a mysterious stranger into their homes, and lost family in grisly ways for their troubles.

The bet was exactly the distraction Percy needed, tonight.

"Secrets?" Keyleth asked, turning a page in her book. The two of them were researching a tattoo, spotted on the murderer by a distraught wife. So far, they'd found vague connections to Wildemount, but not much else.

Percy made a noise of affirmation. "With all the...business today. The Westruun guard trying to stop us from finding out these murders could be connected. Would've been much easier if they hadn't kept it a secret."

"Yeah." Keyleth said. "Yeah, no, absolutely, you're right. Good thing we figured it out."

"Right." Percy said. "You know..." He faltered, clearing his throat.

"Hmm?" Keyleth asked absentmindedly.

"Uh, nothing." Percy waved a hand. "Fuck, I don't know." He took off his glasses, wiping them on his coat.

His flustered tone got Keyleth's attention, thankfully. "You okay, Percy?"

Percy purposefully avoided her gaze, fiddling with his glasses as he put them back on. "Yes. Fine. Don't worry about it."

"Percival De Rolo." Keyleth rested her cheek on her hand, smiling. "Do you have a secret?"

"Uh- not exactly." Percy said. He turned the page of his book, smoothing out the crinkled edges.

"Come on, Percy." Keyleth's voice moved closer as she stood and headed over to him. "You can tell me, I promise I won't tell anyone! Is it something good? Are you in love?" Her hands pressed down on his shoulders.

"No." Percy blinked. "Definitely not. But- alright. I'll tell you." Keyleth sat back down across from him, and Percy took a breath, as if preparing himself. "I'm really- happy I told you all about the Briarwoods. I didn't think I would be, but I am. And I'm really grateful to you all for helping me through it."

Keyleth leaned across the table, taking Percy's hand. "Percy, of course. We're glad you aren't as...creepy and possessed anymore."

"Me too." Percy said, smiling.

"Is that your secret?" Keyleth asked, tone teasing again. "You love and appreciate us?"

Percy shrugged. "I suppose it's not really a secret, so much as something I'm glad I didn't keep secret. I think it was a bad idea, in a group like this. Nothing can stay secret for long." He extracted his hand from Keyleth's, returning to his book.

He could hear the wheels in Keyleth's mind turning. She knew him, just as well as he knew her. This was the tipping point in his plan- Keyleth would either confront his insinuation and admit everything, or she would play it safe and he could really get something done.

"I guess you're right." Keyleth said. Percy waited, barely daring to breathe. "I mean, we're all a bunch of nosy fucks, aren't we? But, I mean, there's some things that can be kept secret. Like Vex, she's really good at keeping secrets. And you kept the Whitestone thing a secret for a long time."

"You all wished I'd told you earlier, if I recall." Percy turned a page in the book.

Keyleth made a noise of derision. "What, you're saying no one in this group should have secrets? That's- that's just ridiculous."

"Not saying that." Percy said. "Just saying that secrets can cause some unnecessary confusion and strife. Maybe it's better that some things be stated upfront. Before anyone can get hurt over finding out they've been lied to, like those Westruun families today."

Keyleth was staring at him, Percy could feel it. After about a minute, Percy looked up, meeting her eyes. "Yes?"

Keyleth squinted. "Would you be hurt? If you, uh, found out someone was lying to you?"

Percy kept his face carefully blank. "Depends, I suppose."

"On what?"

"On how big the lie is." Percy leaned back, rubbing his eyes. "I think I'm going to call it for the night. What about we head back to Westruun library tomorrow?" He stood, carefully placing a bookmark and closing the book.

"Sure thing." said Keyleth, but her eyes were on the table between them, and she chewed on a fingernail.

* * *

"-can't keep doing this."

As Percy returned from an insomnia-fueled hour at the workshop, he heard whispers. He froze immediately- Keyleth's door hung open a crack.

"We're so close, darling!" whispered Vex. "A few more days, you can do it."

"It doesn't feel right!" Keyleth whispered. "Percy's suspicious, he was talking about secrets today, and how we shouldn't lie to each other-"

"He was just fucking with you." Vex said. "They're all fucking with us. Do you remember Scanlan in my room?"

"Yeah." Keyleth said, after a moment. "But he's right! We shouldn't be lying to and keeping secrets from each other. Don't you think Vax might be a little sad to find out we've been dating and didn't tell him? And Pike, too?"

"We had our reasons." Vex said. "It's not really their business, anyways. We're going to tell them, just in a few days. Right?"

"I don't know."

"Look, we can call off the bet if you want." Vex said. "I don't mind, honestly. Maybe you could lie and say we just got together today, so there are no hurt feelings."

"Maybe." Keyleth said.

Percy pumped his fist in victory, and elbowed the door behind him, rattling it. He froze.

"It's all okay, darling." Vex said, voice getting closer to Keyleth's door. "I just wanted to make a some gold, honestly. We could-" Keyleth's door shut with a click, silencing the rest of their conversation.

Percy leaned against the door, waiting for his heart rate to calm, until it was abruptly pulled open by Grog. Grog eyed him suspiciously. "What're you doing?" He glanced around the hallway. "Did Vax send you? Is this a prank? I can see you, Vax!"

"Oh, no, no, it's not." said Percy, straightening and adjusting his glasses. "Just was up late, and tripped."

"Huh." Grog said. "Okay. G'nite."

"Good night, Grog." Percy smoothed down his clothing as Grog closed the door, and walked calmly back to his room.

His trap had been primed. All he had to do now was give Keyleth a little encouragement in front of the others, and then the gold was his.

* * *

Percy found his opportunity at breakfast the next day. He'd been working on a small project since Vax started the side bet, in the hopes that it would payoff. Today would make the perfect moment.

"Here." he said, sitting down next to Keyleth at the breakfast table and handing her a small metal object.

He was the last one to the table, courtesy of his late night beforehand. Most of the others were engulfed in their usual conversations, the twins bickering loudly over something while Pike and Grog laughed uproariously at some joke.

Keyleth took the object, turning it over in her hands. He'd given her a tiny bird skull, made out of several interlocking pieces of metal, with a chain attached to make a necklace. "What...what is this?"

Percy rubbed his eyes. "Um, well, something I finished last night. I've been thinking about, what we were talking about, about how grateful I am to all of you, and I especially am happy that you know, and you helped me so much. I just wanted to- to thank you, I guess." He pulled a plate of chicken towards him.

"Oh, Percy, this is-" Keyleth held it up, eyes widening as she took in the intricacy of the designs on the skull. "How long did this take?"

"A few weeks." Percy said, shoveling chicken onto his plate. "Between battles, and stuff. Wasn't too bad to make."

Keyleth didn't respond, staring at the skull. Percy had carved little antlers into the crown of it, just for Keyleth.

"Do you want me to help you put it on?" Percy asked.

"Shit." Keyleth said, squeezing her eyes shut. "Percy, stop fucking with me. Please. No more."

Percy feigned befuddlement. "Fucking with you? I thought you'd like it."

Keyleth held his gaze for a second, and then stood, pushing her chair back from the table. "Everyone, I have an announcement to make."

Percy didn't think Vox Machina had ever quieted down so fast, not without the threat of something dangerous nearby. He set down his utensils and sat back in his seat.

Keyleth hesitated, flustered by all their attention.

"Well?" Scanlan asked.

"I- Vex and I-"

"Keyleth." Vex whispered.

"You what?" Vax asked, a hint of suppressed excitement in his tone. "You and Vex..."

Keyleth squeezed her eyes shut. "We've been secretly dating for six weeks!" she said, it all coming out in a rush. "Grog knew. We were going to tell you next week, and split the prize with him." She sat down heavily, still clutching Percy's metal bird skull in one hand. "Sorry."

In the silence that followed, all eyes turned to Grog.

* * *

**WEEK 0: GROG**

"Hey, you want to make some gold?"

Grog was in the middle of training when Vex interrupted him. She leaned against the door, a gleam in her eye.

"Gold?" Grog asked, wiping sweat off of his face.

"Yeah, a ton of it." Vex walked towards him. "Make a little gold for the next time you go shopping."

Grog's brow furrowed. "Thought you usually took care of that."

"I do." Vex said. "But this would be money that I can't touch. You can spend it however you want, on whatever you want. Buy potions for whatever price you want. I wouldn't get mad at you or anything, darling."

"Huh." Grog folded his arms. This was contrary to much of what he'd experienced with Vex before, but she was the expert on gold. "What do you want me to do? I can do some tavern fights-"

"No, I wasn't thinking about that." Vex said. She arched an eyebrow, jerking her head back towards the doorway. "I heard what you all were talking about back there. About me and Keyleth?"

Grog's eyes widened. "About how you two wanna do it? I told them, it's none of their business, but they made that bet-"

"Grog, what if there was a guaranteed way you could win the bet?" Vex asked.

Grog thought about it. "Then I'd make some gold, wouldn't I?"

"Yes." Vex said. "What if you and I bet that Keyleth and I will get together five weeks from now, and then Keyleth and I get together five weeks from now? That way we both win."

"But...what if Keyleth doesn't want to get together with you?" Grog said.

Vex shook her head. "Don't worry about that."

Grog fixed her with a stern look. "It's my gold on the line, I gotta worry about it."

"Grog, I promise, with everything I have, that Keyleth and I will get together in five weeks." Vex said. "And if I'm wrong, then I'll pay you the full prize."

Grog stopped, doing the math in his head. "That would make eleven gold."

"Sure." Vex said.

"That's a lot of gold."

"I know."

Grog eyed her. "Are you sure you have that much gold?"

"Yes!" Vex squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, and took a breath. "Grog. Will you make this bet? And remember, you can't tell anyone that I'm involved. Not even Pike and Scanlan."

That confused Grog. "But you are, aren't you?"

"It's a secret." Vex said. "If you tell the others that I'm making the bet with you, you won't win the money."

"Why not?" Grog said.

Vex raised her hands, preparing an explanation, and finally shook her head. "Just don't tell them. And make sure everyone knows, Keyleth and I aren't together. If anyone asks you, I want you to tell them that Keyleth and I aren't together."

Grog pointed a finger at her. "Because you aren't."

"Right." said Vex. "And you're the only one betting the gold, so you're the only one involved in the bet. Not Keyleth or I, just you. So if anyone asks, Keyleth and I aren't involved in this, at all."

Grog nodded. "That makes sense."

"Great!" Vex clapped her hands together, smiling. "Then it's a bet! I promise you, Grog, you won't regret this!"

She hurried out of the room, leaving Grog bemused in her wake.

* * *

"It was just my gold on the line." Grog muttered. "I was the only one involved with the bet. And they aren't together."

"No, Grog, they are." Pike said gently, placing a hand on his arm.

"Wait, what?"

"Wait, so I win!" Vax said excitedly. "I bet fifty gold that you two were already together! Hand it over, motherfuckers!"

"No, no, no." said Scanlan. "Your bet was that they were already together, knew about our bet, and were fucking with us. I'll give you the first two, but where, in the past month, is there any concrete evidence of them fucking with us?"

Vax, speechless for a moment, jerked his hands towards Grog. "They went in with Grog! And Vex told you she was in love with Pike!"

"I'm inclined to agree with Scanlan." Percy said. "I think it depends on your definition of 'fucking with'."

"Oh, come on, Percy." Vax said. "They were clearly fucking with us-"

"And furthermore, I think I just won." Percy said. "Seeing as they officially came together during my week."

Keyleth's mouth dropped open, and she glanced between the skull in her hand, back to him. "You motherfucker, Percy! You made this for the bet?"

"I'm honestly very sorry." Percy said, although he was smirking.

"Wait, hold on, Percy, what was your exact bet?" Vex asked from the end of the table, eyes alight.

"That you would get together during the fourth week. And although you may, in some capacity, have been-"

"That we would get together." Vex repeated over him. "And we've been together, for weeks. Just because we didn't tell you, doesn't mean we weren't officially together."

"Wait, wait, wait, so I win!" Scanlan declared.

"You win?" Vax said. "How?"

"Because I chose the earliest date!" Scanlan said, puffing up his chest. "All of us were wrong, but I was the closest!"

"Then Grog and I win, too." Pike said, breaking away from her explanation to Grog. "Cause Scanlan and I teamed up, and Grog and I are always on a team. Plus, Keyleth did admit she loved Vex during my week."

"Wait, what?" Keyleth said.

"During the first girl's night." said Pike. "I mean, I guess you were tipsy, but-"

Vex shook her head. "No, no, that didn't count. Only Keyleth and Grog and I knew what was going on-"

"So I still win." Scanlan pointed at Pike. "You just heard her, she's working with Grog, and I'm on a team with her!"

"No way, hold on." Vax said. "My side bet was exactly right. You were together, you did know, and you were fucking with us!"

"You made that after the initial bet!" Vex said. "There's no way that counts!"

Scanlan raised an eyebrow. "She has a point."

"You were there, fucker!" Vax said, voice cracking. "You bet against me!"

"Wait, but Vex told me I was guaranteed to win, so that means I win, right?" Grog asked.

Pike nodded. "And so do I, and Scanlan-"

"-I still think it depends on when you consider two people officially together-" Percy muttered.

"No, no!" Vax waved his arms at the rest of them. "If I can't make a side bet, then Grog can't join after the fact!"

"I want my eleven gold!"

Keyleth buried her face in her hands. "You're all terrible people, all of you."

"Look, how about a compromise." Scanlan said, and all heads turned to him. He grinned. "We'll all leave the mansion and choose a point, let's say, 500 feet away. First person there gets the prize. It'll be a race. Sound good?" He ducked, as several pieces of chicken were thrown at him. "Hey, hey, hey, it was just a thought!"

* * *

In the end, no money changed hands. Somehow Scanlan managed to talk his way out of paying Vax twenty gold for the side bet, and no one else could agree on exactly who won. Everyone kept their thirty gold, and that was that.

But there were other rewards, in Keyleth's mind. Vox Machina lounged by the mansion's fire, listening to Scanlan play some tune he'd learned recently. Keyleth and Vex shared a couch together, Vex leaned up against Keyleth's chest, at just the right height for Keyleth to run her fingers through Vex's hair.

She didn't regret telling them. She and Vex had, in fact, decided to tell them the night before, so they could argue their way into a win. But it wasn't completely about winning. It was about being able to kiss Vex in the heat of battle, about not worrying if anyone saw Vex's winks, about Pike being over the moon for them, about finally telling Percy everything she'd wanted to tell him for weeks. About now, when she sat so close to Vex in front of all of her family, without any secrets between them.

Vex wasn't wrong, in keeping it a secret. It wasn't anyone's business, and it had changed the group dynamic, mostly through a heavy dose of teasing from Vax. Still, Keyleth wouldn't go back.

"Hey." Vex said quietly. Keyleth turned to look at her. Vex had her head tilted up, expression more relaxed than she'd been in weeks.

"Hi." Keyleth said. She couldn't help the giggle, still flustered by Vex's nearness after all these weeks.

Vex leaned in, and Keyleth acquiesced with a quick kiss.

"Oh, get a room!" Vax called.

Vex pulled away, sitting up. "If I recall, you tried to make us leave our room for weeks!" she snapped. "I thought you'd be happy!"

Keyleth just smiled, sitting back and watching the commotion. Okay, so maybe there were some drawbacks to everyone knowing, when your friends were assholes. Still, she thought, slipping her hand into Vex's, she wouldn't change any of it, not for the world.


End file.
